The Terror of Taking Photos, Planning, Driving on a Public Holiday

Things are cooking over here! Have a look at the Book page for news...

That aside, here are my three thinks for today:

The Terror of Taking Photos - I don't do well with photos. Never have. No matter how much I pep-talk myself beforehand, psyche myself up and try to remember that my right side is my 'good' side; I ALWAYS end up looking completely alien on the photo.
Sometimes, I hardly recognise myself: no neck, fat cheeks, small eyes and flat hair (I'm painting quite the pretty picture, aren't I?). It's frustrating and incredibly annoying!
Months before our wedding, I tried practicing in the mirror so I would at least be proud of the shots that will eventually be plastered all over my, my parents', my grandparents' and my new family's walls - but to no avail. Though some can be displayed in an inconspicuous fashion, peeking out from behind other family photos in such a way that you can only just see my fringe; the rest are best left in the album (or what would be the album if I had actually had them printed). Because, you see, despite my mirror sessions, my make-up artist for that day decided that 'tan' wasn't such a good look... So by some obscene twist of fate, my perfectly natural (also a few months' worth of work) tan face became covered in a light pink foundation. So now,  in the pics, it looks as though my shockingly white face has been photoshopped onto the body of a tanned bride. Oh. My. Word.
So, with that fresh in mind, I went to have my author photos taken yesterday.
I picked a friend of mine to do the snapping, both because she is a brilliant photographer, and because she is the kind of friend who will tell you if you are looking like a total idiot.
Satisfied that I would have someone there I could trust, I (once again) planted myself in front of the bathroom mirror and tried different looks. I wasn't too happy about my modelling abilities, but decided that it will never improve and that it was time to accept it.
So, prepared for absolute failure and the inevitable "Chandler Photo Face Freeze" (Friends Season 7, Episode 5), I set off to the shoot. Well, our version of a shoot; which includes coffee, a lot of gossip and chasing kids out of the frame at the park where I was trying desperately to pull myself into a tree (long story).
Whether it was due to the relaxed surroundings, the extremely buttery croissant I had just eaten, or the breeze that flipped my hair perfectly - the photos came out GREAT! I am incredibly surprised, and very VERY HAPPY!
But all the external elements aside, I know it only worked because of my friend. Thanks so much, Landi, for taking the best photos of me that anyone has ever done. And for offering up your public holiday to traipse around a park and boost me up a tree. And then for leaving me there and laughing hysterically as I try to get down.
I really cherish our friendship.

Planning - Lists. Getting things done and checking them off. Thinking ahead. Setting up a schedule. Keeping to it. Telling everyone I am on schedule. Realising I am not. Finding more things that need to get done. Add them to lists. Read books on time-management instead of working on project. Realise mistake. Try to make up lost time by reading how to do it.

So. Many. Things.

I will get there, though. I'm sure of it. Sometimes I need the pressure to coax myself into actually doing it.

At least, that's what I like to tell myself late at night.

Driving on a Public Holiday - I live in Gauteng, South Africa. Now, if you live here or have spent some time here, you will know that people here drive like maniacs. Even the nicest, most docile person (like the friendly receptionist or the small old man that sat next to you in church) instantly turn into a swerving, beeping, fist-waving lunatic the minute they leave their driveway. 

This is due to a number of factors. Like the fact that the roads are not designed to handle so many cars. Or the fact that most of the roads are peppered with potholes large enough to swallow a Fiesta (another post on that, here). Or the fact that, in Africa, there is a general disregard of rules.

Solid white line = cross it. Red light = challenge accepted! Shoulder of road = extra lane! No road whatsoever = adventure!

Without any doubt, if you find yourself driving in Johannesburg, you will experience: a taxi cutting in front of you and then stopping dead (at least once), a person trying to sell you hangers by running alongside your car, a bus overtaking you in a residential area, and a guy in an old turquoise Polo driving horizontally across four lanes so he can stop in front of you and reset his gps. Once, I even saw a homeless guy surfing a shopping trolley down a hill and I have personally witnessed three goats waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green so they could cross the street. I kid you not.

So then, what are we crazy Gautengees to do when a public holiday rolls around?

Suddenly, there's no pressure to get anywhere and less cars on the road. Shock and awe.

People are torn between driving around aimlessly and extra slow, and speeding and beeping people out of the way. There's a sense of limbo - a parallel universe where you get somewhere on time and no-one is pushing your car over the line the second the light goes green. We go into a trance-like state and, for a day at least, peace and harmony abides. 

Weird. You almost want to start a fight for want of normalcy. 

Aim for that perfect photo at least once in your life, don't get too overwhelmed and try to keep your cool if you ever drive in Johannesburg! (I said try).

Yes, it changed again...

I know, I know... I am annoying myself at this stage.
Reason behind all these changes? I am setting up a website for my Fantasy series and I am in the process of branding.

So bear with me! All will be settled within a month. Promise.

How to Move House with a Cat, Idea-Vortex, The Plan

First of all, thanks to everyone who told me how much they like the new look of Three Thinks! Having much fun with it myself!

With that out of the way, here are my three thinks for today:

How to Move House with a Cat - Set up strategic plan of action to relocate feline ruler. Find and borrow travel box big enough - and with strong lock to keep subject from escaping through extreme display of kung fu.
Buy 'highly palatable' (according to box) dewormer so as to comply with new estate rules. Watch happily as cat scoffs it all down. Frown disappointingly when cat throws it all back up.
Buy new dewormer - tablet form. Locate cat and pet reassuringly as try to pry jaws open. Stuff tablet down throat. Find tablet spat out under bedside table. Corner cat again and vow to take no prisoners. Find tablet behind curtain and mop up blood from savaged arms and fingers. Crush tablet and dissolve in milk like scaly bartender with bad intentions. Watch happily as cat downs spiked drink.
Lock up cat in house on day of move. Freak out when cleaners let him escape. Find him under shrub and lock up in garage. Freak out when husband lets him escape. Find him near washing line and lock up in box.
Finally load up vexed cat in car. Listen with grinding teeth at his opera tenor laments all the way to the city (an hour's drive) and try to keep him from clawing leather seats through hole in box.
Unleash crazed creature in new bedroom and watch warily as he explores new surroundings. Frown in confusion when he hides under duvet and refuses to come out. For two days.
Allow him to explore garden on third day. Stick plasters on wounds after catching and putting him back in house afterward. Nearly wet yourself when scary clawed monster suddenly attacks your leg in dead of night in darkened hallway. Throw cat out window and shout after him 'I'm only looking out for you, but fine! Fend for yourself you ungrateful animal!', or something similar.
Sigh in relief next day when companion clumsily jumps back through window and nearly strangles himself on foreign burglar bars. Seems like he'll be fine.

Idea-Vortex - For some strange reason I tend to get the best ideas for my book at approximately two minutes before I fall asleep. In my drowsy state I always attempt to write them down or type them into my phone, but paralysis always sets in just as I'm reaching toward the bedside table. The next morning, I'm faced with having to go through my entire mental process of the night before in an attempt to locate my brilliant idea among the thoughts of hamburgers, purple dresses and scenes from Troy. It's painstaking, but most of the time it's worth it. Like the perfect set-up for my next chapter that will magically link the the next part of the book with the previous. Other times, however, I go through all the turmoil, thinking that a gem of an idea might be hiding somewhere in my subconscious, only to find that my midnight stroke of genius was nothing but an idiotic plan of my heroine buying an orange in town. Can't win 'em all.

The Plan - Recently (and when I say 'recently', I mean 'yesterday') I read up about something that has been intriguing me for quite some time. It's a business opportunity that, if done right, could have the potential to finally launch my career as an author. It's exciting and scary at the same time, but I really do think that I should go for it. I am giving myself a month to decide and to do my homework. I'll keep you updated!!

Dream as much as you can (whether asleep or no), give yourself the opportunity to try something new and buy a big enough travel-box (the seating in your car will be grateful).

More new things!

Like I haven't had enough already...

So you'll notice that two new pages have been added: Whatnots and The Book. On the Whatnots page you'll find random things that amuse , inspire or irk me - comment away, People of the Internet!!
The Book page will contain all the news pertaining to The Unsheathed Key - hopefully to be updated soon!

Please enjoy the new add-ons!

So many new things

Besides the fact that I have just moved to a new place (again), set up a new monthly budget and bought new scatter cushions; I have given my blog a new look too! New name, new image (given, not the one I wanted as it seems an impossible task to upload a coveted picture) and new readers (hopefully).

My blog has grown exceptionally these past few months - apparently I am doing something right. Thanks for the support and feedback!

As mentioned in a previous post, I am aiming to share much more about my writing journey here. As it tends to fill up my already clogged mind, this is the perfect place to spit out a few ideas. My basic 'three thinks' will stay the same, though - so don't go hyperventilating, OK?

By the way, if anyone can explain to me (preferably in simple words and in steps) how to upload a background image to Blogger that will not repeat - that would be great! I am not tech-savvy at best of times and all this talk of codes and whatnot on the forums has raised the same impaling dread in me that I used to feel before a maths exam...

10 Minute Shopping, Walking into a dream, Soon

Time to beat my thoughts into order!

My three thinks for today are:

10 Minute Shopping - It can be done!! I am proud to report that I somehow managed to choose, fit and buy two bikinis for summer in 10 minutes flat.

Now, now. Lower your eyebrows, lady with the doubtful look on your face. I wouldn’t have believed it either. Usually, bikini shopping for me consists of about two weeks of rifling through magazines and peeking through shop windows, trying to scope out what I like. This is followed by careful calculations, taking into account: my budget, my holiday destination, whether I can mix the bikini with my beachwear, and my current hair colour. Yes, it’s incredibly shallow, but I know I’m not the only one who does this… So take your tsk-tsking somewhere else.

After I’ve decided what I want, I go searching different shops and malls for The One. It takes an average of about four trips before I find what I’m looking for. Suffice to say this whole process annoys my husband endlessly.

So yesterday, in my lunch-time, I go shopping with The Man for a few clothes for him when I am offered the chance to buy myself a bikini at the end of it. With that prospect looming, I rush the poor man through hundreds of shirts and shorts, bombarding him with options and urging him to make decisions. With ten minutes left on the clock, I abandon him outside the shop to deal with his spinning head while I go off, running at full speed and careening around the corners.

In the shop I locate the bikini rail and scan through the colours – skipping anything too bright, frilly or flowery. I find two options, and yelp ecstatically when they fit perfectly. Flying past the till and through the door, I find hubby at the car – shocked and wide-eyed at my crazy appearance.

Mission accomplished.

Walking into a Dream - In an interview with George RR Martin, he explains how he felt when he walked onto the set of Game of Thrones for the first time.

“It’s like walking into one of my dreams.”

What an honour. So few authors ever get the chance to see their characters come to life in such a profound way. It must have been so emotional for him. But it also says so much about him as a writer – having the skill to describe a character or place, and to convey an atmosphere in such a way that readers can clearly see it in their minds… It’s a craft and he is surely a master of it. The fact that the set portrayed what he saw in his imagination is nothing less than a tip o’ the hat to his talent. I hope I will be able to write like that one day.
Here's the link to the interview:

Game of Thrones - Book to Screen

Soon -

“Still Round the corner there may wait,

A new road or a secret gate.

And though I oft have passed them by,

A day will come at last when I

Shall take the hidden paths that run

West of the moon, East of the Sun.”

-          The Walking Song, JRR Tolkien
So many places to see, so many adventures to embark on. Soon.

At this point in time I am conflicted with so many dreams, ideas and goals, that I find my mind bouncing from one topic to another without pattern or plan. Not such a bad place to be, as long as I do something about it.

Holiday Countdown, It's Alive!, Scuba Diving

Seeing as it's on my mind so much, I've decided to include a permanent little spot in my three thinks, dedicated to my book. This is for the duel purpose of sharing my progress and keeping me sane.

This said, my three thinks for today are:

Holiday Countdown - This morning I woke up with the astonishing, mind-blowing, attitude-changing realisation that I will be on holiday within a month!  That means scalding hot sand and ice cream on the beach; cold fruit salads for lunch, and walking barefoot in town with a ‘so what’ expression on my face. For those of you outside of SA, I remind you that December means SUMMER!!!!! I cannot wait to get my tan on and walk confidently to the water’s edge – only to throw my hands in the air and retreat, screaming, as the first cold wave touches my shins.

And Christmas!! Oh yeah!! Leg of Impala, sweet potatoes, malvapoeding for dessert…(Note to self: do not drool on laptop again.)

I can already see myself: lying on the beach, reading fluffy chicklit and planning my day only as far as the next meal. In the spirit of all this I have already painted my toenails a shocking pink: Summer Here I Come!

It's Alive! - Now, please do not think me weird/mental/schizophrenic, but it feels like the characters in my book have taken on a life of their own. The other night I was writing blissfully, when one of my male characters fell off a hedge. 

I kid you not.

I did not plan this!! He was supposed to leap over all knight-like and sexy, and off he goes rolling in the dust like an idiot. Surprised at his little mishap, I sat back, aghast.

To make matters worse, my other two female characters found this hilariously funny and would not stop laughing no matter what I did to shut them up. Refusing my supposed control over them, they just stood there: snickering and mocking.

Eventually, I got them to calm down and resume sub ordinance, but then I started laughing. Like a maniac. At my own characters.

The thing is, each character has been so fully developed in my mind: with their own likes and dislikes; habits and personalities - that they sort of take care of their own behaviour now. They are leading me on how they react, what they do and what happens to them.

To be honest, it’s quite entertaining. Mwahahahahaha.

Scuba Diving - Hell no. No way. Not enough money in the world. 

Not quite sure how to pinpoint the exact moment when I developed a mortal fear for encountering a tiny fish in its territory, but I have narrowed it down to about three incidents:

-         -  Being manhandled by a monitor lizard in our backyard pool when I was 6,

-         -  Having my flipper caught in something when the water was too murky for me to see what it was (age 10),

-          - Seeing some massive thing outlined in phosphor in the water, at night, in a lake in Mozambique (quite recent).

I cannot think of anything worse than swimming down into the depths with things peeking out at you from under rocks, gliding over you or bumping into you. And it’s not even the shark thing – seriously! Not afraid of them! I just hate the lack of perspective and the feeling that something out there is watching you. I even hyperventilated once when a fishy the size of my thumb bumped into my mask. Not cool.

I know it’s completely irrational and stupid; that people do it every day and that I’m 'missing out' on a whole world – but really: for the no-nonsense person that I am, I think I am allowed this one small irrationality.

Get geared-up and psyched-up for your holidays (whether it's snowy or unbearably hot), create something of your own - and allow yourself a little craziness. Of the misunderstood fear kind. Not the banging your head against the padded wall kind.